Jeremiah 23 (36)
And the burden of the Lord shall ye mention no more:
for every man's word shall be his burden;
for ye have perverted the words of the living God,
of the Lord of hosts our God.
You could be forgiven for thinking this was a cosy pensioners get together in the snug at the Pig and Whistle. Every September when cool winds whispered autumn's song the knitting needles came out. Some knitting for those who would know the cruel winter nights, others that dreaded Christmas jumper.
A stoic generation surviving everything the second world war had thrown at them were now planning survival tactics. Dad's army deceased they alone were left to carry the banner to the 'pot noodle generation'.
"What about dandelion leaves" suggested Doris "roots for coffee, leaves in a salad. We spend all our time getting rid of them, the day may well come we might be grateful for their sunny face."
Patsy laughed "that is presuming you have sunlight. If the biggy goes up in Iceland the ash cloud would block out the whole of Europe and it is bulging at the moment, not a good sign"
"So is my waistline" signed Lucy "I am in danger of looking like a ball of wool with knitting needles for legs"
"Do stop fishing for compliments my dear" replied Dotty "you have the best figure here. We all expect to go up a size when we age don't we, although Martha is disappearing, not only shrinking but she is so terribly thin. Perhaps she is forgetting to eat. Note that Lucy. We must check and perhaps take her some homemade soups."
Dan arrived to take their order. "What will it be ladies, same as usual" he enquired. Four faces beamed back "yes please, although I think Dotty should probably stick with a half, she is glowing already" said Doris.
"Apathy, total apathy" muttered Patsy "oh joy, I've dropped a stitch, now where is it." She continued "apathy that dreadful disease afflicting this once great God fearing nation. For heaven's sake what will it take to get this self appointed government of muppets into constructive productive employment elsewhere"
"I'd have them cleaning public toilets and sweeping streets" announced Doris "they could wave goodbye to the gravy train and get their hands dirty."
"Do you know our Refuse Disposal Officers are lovely guys" interrupted Dotty.
"Do you by any chance mean bin men" enquired Patsy "and yes, our guys are really nice and would probably do a better job than those privileged planks. It has never been what you know but who you know and I for one respect a guy for doing that very essential service. Where would we be without them, disappearing under a mound of rubbish. I wouldn't need a funeral" Patsy laughed "There, just serves me right, sorry God, I now have to go back two rows I forgot to twist."
The women burst into laughter "you wouldn't fit in with this generation Patsy, it all about twist and con" said Doris.
The clicking gathered speed "Oh for heaven's sake" groaned Lucy "Hitler was nearly on our shores before this country got it's act together, wake up and smell the smoke. What will it take a huge fat ball fire in the London sewers to get people motivated. Get down on your knees and pray then vote to get them out, they are supposed to serve the people not help themselves, push for change before they turn the water cannons on you - it is surely coming."
"After that gloomy prognosis exactly what are you knitting Dotty" asked Lucy. Dotty beamed "vests for little African babies, my daughters keep bringing balls of yarn in all colours of the rainbow and so I keep knitting"
"How many have you knitted" asked Lucy. "No idea" said Dotty smiling "as long as they need them I will just keep making them, probably just slip away with a half finished vest in my hands."
"May I make a suggestion ladies" said Doris.
"As long as its politically correct" joked Patsy.
"Let's just vote with our feet. The company that takes water from suspect sources and then sells it as "mineral water" swallowing up its competitors on the way needs boycotting. They also make cereals, chocolate, all sorts of stuff, do your research ladies on the internet and don't buy their products. Power to the people."
"I drink Buxton water" said Dotty "Er so sorry" said Lucy "they gobbled up Buxton water a couple of years ago, next time you buy a bottle look for the tiny insignificant little logo on the side of the label and add that to your list of don't buy "Nestle" goods of any description. Be a watchman. That calls for another round please Dan"
"Perhaps we could force the clothing giants to bring their manufacturing back to Britain. Ah, but that would half profits, the share holders wouldn't like that. We pretend to be proud of our country but that is where most people are downright hypocrites." suggested Lucy. "I certainly don't need racks of clothing and stacks of shoes. My Jesus sandels cost £70 but I got them in the sale for £40. They were probably worth even less than that in reality but they will last me two summers. Along with my current pair of wellies, winter boots, boot slippers and one practical pair of casuals, what more do you need it's ridiculous. I try and buy quality clothes and would be prepared to pay more for them, just have less.
And as for what is going on in the State church the answer is simple - leave. You can't call yourself a Christian if you don't believe the word of God. Their new leader is in a very dangerous place, don't shelter under his umbrella."
The clicking needles seemed to be gathering momentum. Dotty's face was flushed the half pint had become a pint and she had reached her quota. "Now then" she said sternly "my suggestion to these kids of ours is get out fast before you are forced to accept a very different yoke.
And you know what, I really admire that young Russian pole vault champion Isinbayeva. Russia should be proud of her. You should respect the laws of a country when you visit. If I wasn't such a tired elderly granny I would be following Snowdon and asking Putin for asylum, suddenly Russia seems so very attractive.
Our men gave their lives in two world wars to protect this tiny island. Where is the Dunkirk spirit.
Dead and gone, the following generations rotting away thanks to the drug cartels and poppy fields of Afganistan. Death from a distance, not a single shot fired here."
"Gracious I should finish the back at this speed" suggested Lucy.
"Seriously" said Patsy "while regions of America appear to be turning into giant sieves, SINK HOLES R US, our "nice but dim" guys are apparently bent on making their own entrance to hell.
A fracking we will go, a fracking we will go. And where is the guy with the cheesy grin who stirred up the hornets nest that is now the Middle East, anyone know?" And they all agreed.
ONLY GOD KNOWS
"Next week will someone remind me to study the pattern" said Lucy. "We might make a list of the stocks we need to hold should the anticipated disruption of electronic systems arise in the coming months."
"We can manage, remember rationing, that's if we don't get crushed by the manic snatch and grab crowd, honestly it's bad enough on a Bank Holiday weekend." suggested Doris.
Dan watched the ladies as they began to gather their belongings. "Er, exactly what is that for" he enquired pointing to Lucy's knitting. "A giraffe" suggested Doris. "Don't be cheeky" scolded Lucy "actually its a polo neck, must remember to bring a tape measure next week, honestly this generation."
Psalm 37 - (31)
The law of his God is in his heart;
None of his steps shall slide.
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