At one stage in my life I was a member of a very progressive church. According to the minister's wife
angels sat on the roof throughout the services!! The congregation comprised of conservative right and
a left wing progressive youth. The trainers and tee shirt brigade, feet parked on a spare seat, cuddling couples and a music group that inspired even the dourest spirit. Our brightly dressed vicar who strongly objected to the "frock" appeased pressure by the right wing traditional element and offered to wear the garment once a month.
Sad to say the split came, the courageous man stood his ground and said he didn't care if he got
down to twelve members, (much like the Lord then) as long as they were spirit filled children of God. After all we needed to be singing, praising and rowing in the right direction.
Of course the zealots were not to be thwarted, he had to go and the dirty tricks brigade were plotting.
Ah yes, the devil goes to church. Pharisees were still doing a good job here. Any sign of weakness, any chink in the armour and out he must go. Thankfully they can't crucify their victims today, but they could crush, break, destroy and discard the man who was filling the pews. After four hours worship and teaching he left his flock encouraged and inspired commenting "they don't want to go home"
At one point during his leadership he had picked up a Pastoral Search Report on the Internet and this was circulated amongst the faithful but the message fell on stoney ground. They were either totally devoid of a sense of humour or just didn't realise God laughs at our antics.
Perhaps one day they will have to explain by whose authority they sat in judgement.
The church returned to its traditional services. Nothing moved (in the spirit) other than the church cleaner or the communion queue. Thirteen years later this denomination continues its downward spiral of apostasy towards a subdivision of its former adversary, the Catholic church. Whoops!!!
I remain eternally grateful to the author whose sense of humour is surely a blessing and encouragement to the rejected shepherds.
Pastoral Search Report
(author unknown - but posted on internet)
We do not have a happy report to give. We've not been able to find a suitable candidate for this church, though we have one promising prospect still. We do appreciate all the suggestions from the church
members, and we've followed up each one with interviews or calling at least three references.
The following is our confidential report on the present candidates.
Adam Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how his wife and he
enjoyed walking nude in the woods.
Noah Former pastorate of 120 years with no converts. Prone to unrealistic building projects.
Abraham Though the references reported wife-swopping, the facts seem to show he never slept
with another man's wife, but did offer to share his own wife with another man.
Joseph A big thinker, but a braggart, believes in dream-interpreting and has a prison record.
Moses A modest meek man, but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes
blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an earlier church over a murder charge.
David A promising leader of all until we discovered the affair he had with his neighbour's wife.
Solomon Great preacher but our parsonage would never hold all those wives.
Elijah Prone to depression - collapses under pressure.
Elisha Reported to have lived with a single widow while at his former church.
Hosea A tender and loving pastor but our people could never handle his wife's occupation.
Deborah Female
Jeremiah Emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always lamenting things, reported to have taken
a long trip to bury his underwear on the bank of a foreign river.
* I THINK SOMEONE CALLED ME A JEREMIAH RECENTLY - always crying
repent - the day of the Lord draws near!!! I'm NOT a head in the sand type then?
Isaiah On the fringe? Claims to have seen angels in church (*REALLY - A SOUL MATE!!)
Has trouble with his language.
Jonah Refused God's call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed by a
great fish. He told us the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up.
Amos Too backward and unpolished. With some seminary training he might have promise,
but has a hang-up against wealthy people. Might fit in better in a poor congregation.
* Couldn't be selected as reserve for a prosperity preacher then!!
John Says he is a Baptist, but definitely doesn't dress like one. Has slept in the outdoors for
months on end, has a weird diet and provokes denominational leaders.
Peter Too blue collar. Has a bad temper - even has been known to curse. Had a big run-in
with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, but a loose cannon. *Sounds familiar
Paul Powerful CEO type leader and fascinating preacher. However, short on tact,
unforgiving with younger ministers, harsh and has been known to preach all night.
Timothy Too young.
Jesus Has had popular times, but once when his church grew to 5,000 he managed to offend
them all and this church dwindled down to twelve people. Seldom stays in one place
very long. And of course, he's single.
Judas His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows
how to handle money. We are inviting him to preach this Sunday. Possibilities here.
* Much needed spirit of discernment here then!!!!!!
IT IS USEFUL TO REMEMBER THIS, WHEN WE JUDGE WHOM GOD MAY JUST BE
USING TO HIS GLORY.
* My comments only - and I say AMEN TO THAT - and many thanks to the author - whoever you may be.
T. Hills 2011
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